Bipolar Disorder 2- A reminder;
Our brains can be sparkly, like a kaleidoscope, full of wonder and colour. Sparks fly and creativity is unbound.
The opposite can also be true.
We can also wake every day, with a cement blanket on our heart and our self esteem. We feel worthless and tortured with self loathing. This phase can last a long, long time. Well it feels long…days? Or weeks? Months or hours? Time passes from one numb day to the next. Our extra layer torn off, leaving us vulnerable as we gaslight our own brain.
What do we do with this?
We write. We nap, we eat well. We try to walk a little everyday. We make our bed every morning and head back to it early every afternoon. Maybe tomorrow will be different.
You know what I do know? One day, we wake up and it is different.
When the fog lifts we feel an upswing of gratitude. We burst with so much energy and delight, it’s as if we are a hot air balloon floating above the trees, buoyant with love. Memories of the depression fading into the mist below.
It can be exhausting. Yet so beautiful. I don’t know if I personally would choose a different brain, even when I think I would, for the good times are so rich with glitter like a firework.
So for now we lay low our stake in the ground. We wait for some unknown force to light the fuse.
Then, KAPOW. We will pop, whizz and cascade over life again.
Fizz….One more day Alice….pop…..one more week….crackle….. Hang in there, you’ve got this……BANG!
'Curioser and Curioser' {Alice} 